All of the facts that follow are true, unlike the many lies that accompany them.
Gerson
was born in 1998, the oldest of four children, in a small town just outside
of New York. After graduating high school at the age of five, he built
a spontaneous combustion device, which led to occasional work as a session
guitarist with Toto. While working with Thomas Edison to help invent aloe
and corn flakes, he accidentally discovered the Mississippi Blues, which
Edison promptly patented. After several years helping to polish the Eifel
Tower he returned to the US and finally received his GED from Mamaroneck
High School. After missing the playoffs for five years running, he was
traded for a power center. A lifelong fan of whales, he later fulfilled
his dream of living amongst them, thanks to a long term grant from the
Mexican government. After funding ran out, he moved to Osaka, where he's
been making his living as a French performance artist and bug-tester.