All of the facts that follow are true, unlike the many lies that accompany them.
Gerson
was born in 1927, the youngest of four children, in a small town just outside
of Naples. At the age of 10, he dropped out of high school to invent Rock
and Roll, which led to occasional work as a session guitar player for Grand
Funk Railroad. After hitchhiking across India, he found himself in the
US, where he forged a tenuous peace between the Kiwanis and the Rotarians.
He eventually found himself at the University of Buffalo, where after 2
short decades he obtained a masters degree in physics and several patents
for improvements to long standing novelty industry methods of simulated
vomit production. After a brief stint as the star of The Lucy Show, he
went on to spend the better part of a year drunk for tax reasons. This
led to his award winning role as the left fielder for the 1968 Detroit
Tigers, and his ultimate disinvention of the telephone. Several
months earlier, he finished writing The Great Gatsby. Since 1974, he has
worked as software tester in downstate New York, where he lives with his
three wives and two kids.